My Everything: Chronic Illness in Love [CC]

You wanted everything and I gave you everything but my everything was too much for you because my everything is late night I love you’s, and drive safely’s, and text me when you get home’s my everything is future plans, and kept promises, and never being able to hold you long enough the past wrapped up in pretty packages, because memories are priceless and also because I can’t afford anything else my everything is not caring that you always left the toilet seat up, and the towel on the floor and the jeans right next to the clothes basket my everything is making dinner and doing the dishes too because you had a long day, and so did I but my watch stopped working when I met you. my everything is meteor showers on car hoods and sweet notes hidden under windshield wipers and words that wouldn’t exist if you didn’t exist But the thing about my everything is that it’s all or nothing And my everything is also… being on a first name basis with my doctors my everything is hospital visits, and blood tests, and moderately gross side effects from various medications to counter the moderately gross symptoms from my various conditions my everything is sometimes not being able to get out of bed which you only ever seemed to mind when my clothes were on. my everything is a pink slip. convincing myself that shining scars are just permanent reminder that things are better than they were when things were worse. my everything is a paternal ghost whose voice I can’t remember even though it used to sing me to sleep. my everything is a long list of diagnoses you can’t pronounce and a house full of mobility aids that were marketed toward grandmothers my everything is knowing I will never get to be a grandmother you wanted everything and I gave you everything but my everything was too much for you so you chose nothing instead and it hurt, but more than anything I was jealous that you were able to choose nothing over my everything… because my everything is too much for me, too. This poem is a sample from my new book entitled ‘I Loved You Once’ It will be live on Amazon – October 12th for $1.99 but it is available from now until then for pre-order for only .99 cents If you would like to see more videos like this, and also videos not like this, please consider supporting my Patreon page Feel free to follow me on all the things If you enjoyed this video you might just wanna subscribe, hit the like button, maybe That’s up to you I’m not gonna force you to do that But, you know, it’s a thing that you could do if you wanted to do that thing Thank you for watching, my Chronically Awesome friends! I will see you all next time, but until then and always, take care!